BEE YOU TILL FULL
a poem and a promise for my love
.
So sad she wept
When that man went
Such malevolent
Abandonment
.
Father went further
She’s worthless, he hurt her
Such a deserter
A pain worse then murder
.
A child in fear
Why isnt he here?
Since then her tears
Blur what was once clear
.
So every day
She pushes away
All those who say
They want to stay
.
She knows how
To control her hurt
She’ll tell you right now
She’s leaving you first
.
Well, maybe not
With those exact words
But deep in your thoughts
You know what you heard
.
But not with her mouth
Will she ever utter
That she intends
To punish her lover
.
She quitely does
What you dont like
Till you’ve had enough
And leave in the night
.
And then she can live
All over again
The way he got rid
Of her true love then
.
But dont worry you
Youre only a prop
Once she is thru
You’re an after thought
.
Its not that shes mean
Or that she’s insane
Its that since small shes been
Growing, feeding on pain
.
Its all that she is
All that she’s knows
Since being a kid
Till now that she’s grown
.
So all you can do
Is love with your heart
While claws slice you thru
and Rip fresh flesh apart
.
But its not her fault
Its just her way
Because daddys balls
Were too small to stay
.
He had to go
And think of himself
And left a little girl thrown
In the deep flames of hell
.
Now she sits and sings
Sweet as honey can bee
And kills herself stinging
Her poison in me
.
But its ok
I wont get mad
Im here to stay
Cuz im not her dad
.
So punch, kick claw,
Stare scatch scream or bite
Im taking it all
And saying good night
.
And tucking you in
With a gentle kiss
I dont give a shit
That youre being a bitch
.
Because i love you
Now that just a fact
So heres what we do
We will make a pact
.
You can be you
And i can be me
And i will love you
Eternally
.
I’ll never faulter
And i’ll never fall
Cuz unlike your father
I have the balls
.
To know that you love me
And you always will
So even when you shove me
I will simply sit still
.
Always unwavering
Always true and kind
While your waving goodbye
Im still saying hi
.
Because i am yours
And you are mine
And i will carry the scars
To prove it in time
.
Every time your claws rake
Or you bite with your teeth
All i see is the way
You decorate me
.
The marks on my flesh
You carve on my skin
Are a prize i was sent
By my G-d to win
.
So i need to have you
Here in my arms
And i bleed to keep you
With me safe from harm
.
And if you turn to me
as fear flames in your eyes
Go ahead and burn me
And i will survive
.
simply, i love you
Unconditionally
Some body has to
For how lovely, you bee.
————————————————————————–
CRYING LYING SPYING DYING MINING MINDING
you wouldnt tell me
when you were weeping,
you would spirit yourself away
when overcome with sadness
you would cloak your tears
in the shadow of the light
you would camouflage,
the death of your smile
in darkness
and you would never let me know
the agony
brewing
writhing
viciously
scathing
within you
you would not inform me
of the onslaught
of this aching tortuous misery
born
before I
was known to you
—–
you would hide
in the bathroom
as tho you were trying to flush your pain
down the toilet
then emerge smiling
trying to act
like everything was normal
like the world was fine
like it was all ok
trying to protect me
from who you really are
such a effortful performance!
A tour de force!
—–
But still, inevitably
you would fail,
you would fail
catastrophically
in subtle ways
—–
instead of allowing
yourself to look weak
to appear hurt
to share your pain with me
as i begged you to do
at the onset of our love
at the genesis of our friendship
you would bottle it up
and pretend to be strong
when you were not
—–
you would carry upon your shoulders a boulder of lament
and pretend to dance
and never expect me to wonder
why you appeared to wobble
—–
but it would come up
and out
and at me
in subtle manners
in sharp clues of clandestine rage
I could almost tell
by your pitiful lack of patience
because
you would silence me,
in moments of joy
you would reprimand me
in times of no wrong doing
you would scold me
when I offered you my love
you would undermine my mind
when I presented
you my intelligence
—–
you would ask my permission
for your actions,
altho I have no jurisdiction
over your behavior
and you would ignore
my desires
and my feelings
and my preferences
all tho they were clear to you as day
—–
our goals were verbalized
with quite celebration
of our communicated mutual desires
and always based only on your well being
but instead
of winning
the prize
we set up
to claim
as ours
you would dig under my skin
and plant tiny seeds
that grew into thorny roses of red revenge
against me
for actions
you projected upon me
to eject your shame
as I sat stunned
watching you spin your bladed circles
and i would never know why
—–
why you would plaster over the holes in your soul
which were burrowed by
your self disappointment
concerning your weakness
and your own personal frustrations?
why you would cloth your exposed vulnerability
by smearing a thick coat of blame
all over me?
i could never understand
and now i know
thanks to the violence and the mayhem
that erupted during my refusal to depart
—–
I asked you
to go with me
to therapy
to healers
to the wise
for assistance
and you told me
no
I am talking to you
I begged
and you told me talk
while I walk
—–
I know
in fear
I threatened
to run
I know
in confusion
in dissonance
in panic
my body
would have to fight the urge
to bolt
like lightening
toward self preservation
of mind
—–
such a dramatic display!
such a show!
But it was a farce!
as if, I could somehow
actually manage
to walk
even tho
I promised
with all my heart
with my total soul
with my complete and dedicated poetry
never to abandon you
despite your viscous
and angry
fear based
neglect
of trust
—–
I invited you to burden me with your truth
and you had accepted
so
this confusion
this insanity
this lack of integrity
between what was said
and what was experienced
this divide between what was promised,
and what was delivered
this dissonance
between what had occurred
and what was reported
led me to read.
So that I may learn
—–
And now, because I read
I know
you were hurt
and you hurt now still till this day
and because you hurt
you hate me
you hate me
for loving you
and I know this is true
because you wont show me
who you really are
you hide your tears
the tears you are
from me
how can we not feel alone?
—–
I will never leave you
I cannot
because
I love you
lets
get
help
————————————————————————–
PER VIRGIN
remember when hearts were dancing
bare and barred by rib cages
while our rift rages
incarcerated by arteries
struggling in vein
unable to weather how vain
she was when wetter then rain
as she reigned
then ran
I recall the sinews and the synapse,
the synchronicity
the signs
of simple sin
I recall the beatings
I recall the beats
I recall beast
there was a time
when the cavalcade of erotic pleasures,
several, severe, and severed,
would never subside
altho, I dumb dom never saw her sub side
a sexual avalanche,
an alert series
of alternating alien alarms
fire warned
tired and worn
but warmed
place your bets
on the best in bed
altercations
that led us
to be armed
at the alter
everything was altered
but to me
we will always be
all her
I remember
the water showering
as I would show her things
cascades of spell casting
shouting liquid like
wet dusty dewdrops
whisked with her
I whiskered whisperer
h2omg I want her so bad
her
so bad
bad so her
show her her show
show her her shower
so slow she coats with soap
shaken from her shiny flesh
each chunk of wet shimmied, shivering
and rolled down her body,
riverring over her hot curves
to my mouth
my head drenched
by her trench
wrenched,
I retched and rancid,
bad like a habit,
I have to have it
a rabid rabbit in a trance
transition
I bathed at her base
I baste as I bake
break
I remember
when we disappeared into the fear
here in each others darkness
her dark nest
I hear her
from the farthest peaks
I peak
into sockets of eyeless death
we were immortally immoral
and in more hell
then you could ever imagine
I, mage,in magic
as magistrate
but the wages were tragic
trance-ish transitions
mindless missions
we misfits, mixing
the images in our heads
were impressive impressions,
impregnations
screaming on the screens
rambling scrambling
imps of lust
terrorized the fairies
of our artificial artfulness
I endeavor
but in the end have her
never
we would float
clouds of sex,
loud
lets lose breath
out, proud
such breasts
I sent in
to her session
to her sections
her sex shuns
sunshine
night time not
in our right mind not
we learned orgasm,
we learned organic,
we learned our organs,
and played them like pianos
we learned word play
and word work
and words worth
we sleep deeply
after we slip depleted
demons creeping
defeated
detested
deleted
detest the test
did you mean it?
That mean shit?
I learned how to be to get her
but never learned how to be together