when all thats left are memories

Im obseesed with this quest to express whats on my chest since you left our nest and headed west. Your the best at leaving lives wrecked. I’m always perplexed by what comes next. Im like, is this a joke do you jest, its not funny, hey I bet what you said was just joking. What are you smoking. Wait where are you going? Leaving me lonely and loathing, mad with mouth foaming. Rabid. So your sick of my bad habits? I scream dammit chug a can and slam it. Man I should let you have it. I see your neck muscles tense and I just want to grab it and snap. Hows that shit? Can you handle it? How I real man gets? When he feels disrepect? Caused by your neglect? Thats the thanks I get? For paying all the rent? Wondering where you went? Cuz I smoke pot after my job? Wanna lie there like blob and get a blow job? So what? Your head hurts? Whats it worth to keep me happy? I guess not much because your packing, saying I been slacking when you spend half the day napping? And im the one lacking? You should start looking in your own direction. Give your self an inspection. You whould welcome the testing and be self reflecting.
I know we both said things that were gonna end up regretting. Think about where are lives are heading. I was wondering when we’d have our wedding, and your fretting over letting me get sweaty in the bedding. I thought we’d do it steady. Im always ready in any setting. There’s a point and Im getting to it. Im just saying you said we’d always get through it. But we blew it. And you knew it. Left me confused as a fool wondering what your doing? Its lunacy. Your life has no room for me? Thats what you do to me?
Im boo hoo and your tee hee? You think its funny? Saying you loved me while saving your money cuz you know your gonna be running? Some day you’ll get whats coming.
I wish I were bluffing. Im sick of the suffering. I can feel blood rushing. Sometimes loving nothing beats lusting for something busted . Where is this therapist. I got thoughts to express. I’d like to learn to share cuz I just kinda stare when im unprepared to declare how much I care. If life were balanced and fair, i’d still be in your prayers.