I often hear people say, you know what im afraid of thats weird, clowns. “I dont konw why,” they say, “ i’ve always been afraid of clowns.”
Well i’ll tell you why your afraid of clowns, cuz your fucking supposed to be afraid of clowns. Clowns are scary as shit.
First off, the brightest animals in nature, the most colorful snakes and frogs, tend to be the most poisonous, so thats your first clue. Second, the obvious fake painted smile, nothing more dangerous that fake people, you know that, third, the big red coked up nose, never trust a junkie! the only other people to squeeze that many into a single car are gang members or drug cartels, those big feet make em look like well hung rapists, and the painted white skin definitely has a nosferatu vibe. I mean for real, imagine its a few hundred years ago, and your patrolling with your sword when all of a sudden you spot, wily as a dragon perched upon a mountaintop, a most ostentatiously hideous mismatched explosion of clashing hues and misrepresented emotions called a clown? You know how many clowns they burned at the stake? Wisely so! Very few are able to purge themselves of the angry spirits they call upon themselves when involved in the evils of the clowning arts. I mean honestly, how do you really know where that invisible dog is? Or from what plane of hell the was that invisible devil hound was conjured? Aren’t balloon animals just voodoo dolls that are easily dispatched into oblivion in the hands of the dark master who blew and twisted them into existence? Why do they wear pants that fall down on purpose, like a pervert? How can I ever trust a flower after what that damn clown did? What did he squirt on me? What did he squirt on meeeee?